I think it's safe now...

So, I've been staying under the radar for a while but i think it's pretty safe now. You see since A-rod came out and admitted to using performance enhancing drugs all of the attention has been on him and baseball.
What a silly sport by the way. What fun is it to catch a ball??? Hmmm, that's why soccer is a cat sport, the idea is to Move or Kick the ball. Baseball is a total DOG sport.

Anyhow, ever since my home has been invaded with a screaming sack of potatoes, I've been a little worried about my ability to defend myself. Needless to say I've discovered away to "Enhance" my own performance.

Here's how it works, but please don't tell mom or dad I will be in BIG trouble
1st-I meow and scratch myself alot.
2nd-I find a spot on myself that isn't too painful or unattractive
3rd- I lick or chew, usually a combination, until a spot of fur is removed.

Guess what Mommy and Daddy do? " Oh my God Lancey is breaking out with allergies again"
I then go to that annoying place where they know how to touch and grab me the right ways. Then I get my shot.
There you have it. Free for me and completely legal Steroids.

View me however you like, but I need to stay on top of my game, and competition, and if using the juice does it, so be it.

Put an asterisk by my name. See if I care.

More meows later
Lancey


P.S. try to think of a movie or TV show that doesn't depict my species as scary, annoying, or tortured. Then think of a movie where those annoying Dogs are depicted poorly. I'll discuss this more later

Six weeks down

Well, Well, Well.
6 weeks down since the hostile takeover, and it's some sort of Alpha Male holiday the Super Bowl or something today. I guess it's this silly game where men chase each other around and tumble and roll around with each other on the ground for a while. Guess what people, get a camera to the barn where I grew up!! I'd play with my family the same way all the time, plus we used our claws. That is an uncensored sporting event, if you ask me.

I guess the big deal is all these commercials during it. They have things like animals who dance, hot women, and talking babies!! Are you kidding me, talking babies!! Like that would ever happen, come on. You people are so easily amused.

I may have to forgive daddy and move on my attempts to take out mommy now. Not only does she complain about my poop smelling so bad, she'll complain and won't even change it. At least daddy " Mans up" and does it once a month or so...

Last week some time, actually it was 15:45 pm on Tuesday afternoon, she took me to that place again. It has the bright lights, weird smell, and a bunch of obnoxious barking dogs.

I wait for a special cat rub down, or a fur cleaning, and then they rip me out of my cage, and stick something in my rear!!! Oh my God! This is like the 5Th time this has happened now, and MOMMY IS THE REASON! She is always the one who suggests it.
"I think Lancey's glands are full again." she'll say, and then I'm at the place.
They are just looking to make a buck by sticking things inside of me. I know better. I don't have to lick down there as much lately though, weird huh?

She is also trying to remove me from my new spot, the table. She'll scold me and toss me off, once I was half asleep and landed on my head!! What would they do if they were outside trying to get a sun bath and all of a sudden I moved my cat head right in front of the big sun? Would they enjoy that?
Anyhow, enough for now I guess.

Meows to all- Lancey

Not much new with me I guess. That screaming twerp is still around, so I'm starting to think she isn't going anywhere. She is also quickly gaining some size, and is probably bigger than I am now. Although, once again my owners feel the need to hold her for every whimper and make me do all the work for attention.

Ok here's a question to all of you humans. How would you like it if after you take a bath I would come up and roll all over you? I will let you know when I am "In the mood", and touching me with your grubby hands after, or even during one of my many baths is not appreciated.

On a more positive note, I have been getting more and more attention and visitors. I'm not sure if it's because of my blog, or if it's me forcing myself upon them. Either way I'll take it.

I haven't seen the "Guy with the green hat" in quite a while. Last time I saw him he was actually pretty cool. He didn't rub me so hard my bones hurt either so maybe he's learning.

Any advice on how to "Take Care" of daddy please let me know. I've now tried those annoying toy balls at the base of the steps or in their main walkways, but he just kicks them around.

A meow for everyone and the new President. Hey Obama, why don't you get a cat buddy?
Lancey

Nothing to lose my fur about

Well,
This new little creature is something to reckon with. In fact it's gone gradually from a quiet little thing, to a screaming squirt. In fact she has rudely woke me from one of my 30 catnips many times, and I fear it will only get worse.
Daddy likes to crack the joke " You can lift a paw every now and then" but he doesn't realize I would if I actually WANTED to. Just like if I wanted to cover up my poops with kitty litter, I would. They just don't ge it.
Luckily, they still tend to pity me.
I left a bunch of papers and bills from the dining room table on the floor last night hoping daddy would slip on them. It didn't work once again.
Well, if I see any of you soon, you better come pet me. I'll take all the attention I can get...
Many Meows to all
- Lancey